Time for "A" change

Thurs [ 12.23am ] ... . Mood :Strong mood , 19 April 2012

It's been 4 years in Kampar,
for me a guy from Penang come for study,
study for a Degree certificate,
for a certificate so I could get a good job,
good job which is high salary's job.
and here I am,
finishing my degree,
graduating and leaving this place soon,


Yet to say, for this place, for these 4 years,
for the people I met and for those friends I made.

Place, a great place to study, without any luxury entertainment,
which is the main reason I pick UTAR kampar to study,
not to say that I'm easy falling into temptation but yet without those temptation,
it will be better off.
I enjoy the lakeside here, which quiet and chilling during night time.
Recall a lots of great memories beside the lakeside,
chilling with friends, sharing with friends,
listening problem from friends,
even propose to 1st women I ever fall in love to,
it's happen besides this lake side. Sweet isn't it?
I plan the proposal for 2 times with tons of ideas,
yet the relationship last for 10 days only,
and the ending of story also happen beside this lake.
How awkward is that right? Funny right? Haha.
It is sad, maybe I'm yet immature to love someone,
which I done and hurt her, and grown up.
Not to say I'm mature now,
but to said I do learn and I do regret.
For that I let go a woman,
whom is the 1st woman who love me,
and 1st woman I ever love,
which possible is the last.
That's what a "happy" ending always occurs,
on those bad jackass people like me. haha.

For the people I met here, for friends I made,
thank you for being my side, even thought it's for mutual benefits,
or for temporary, as we gonna graduating soon and won't meet each and another again.
I still appreciate, for everything.
and sorry for those I can't make it by yourself when you needed me,
neither you be my side when I needed, yet it's fine, I gone through all.
to some friends, You might not treasure me as I treasure you,
yet I wanna say : " I love you my friends. ".
even thought after this, we might just be only "friend",
I'm glad I know you, you, you and you.

For these 4 years, I had make changes, 3 times,
from inside until the outside, Personalities until the appearances.
One might think, " Why must I change myself for others? "
One might said, " People will love for who you really are? "
but one never thought of, " is that really appliacable for everyone? "
It is true when one found his/her gang of friends, group,
yet it is false when one found himself/herself isolate and alone.
and yet changes are necessary when coming to adopt the environment.
So I change after I graduated from high school.
New hair style, a new personalities, new thinking.
Yet things wasn't go well during foundation,
and time passed, 1 year passed, and it's Degree.
I change again, new positive thinking that I'll make new friends,
I'll found my gang, I'll have my belonging nest.
Yet, 3 years passed, what remain in the memory within my group,
Meet in University, talks about homeworks, assignments, presentations.
After school, he stick with his gang, she stick with her gang,
me ? I was with her, women I 1st fall in love with.
Yet I lose her in 1st trimester, then we'll just friend.
and soon, she found her soulmate, I was lost,
I am regret and yet nothing I can do.
Then I change again, due to broke up of relationship,
people think I'm better, in every perspectives,
which said I'm grown better than last time.
Until 2nd year of Degree, she left university for temporary,
personal private issue.
I miss her, I think of her, yet nothing I can do.
From Year 2 until now end of Year 3,
2 years of my Degree, only talks with people in classes,
about homeworks, assignments, presentations.
After school, alone in room, with my computer,
dinner with myself, chitchat with myself,
walking the lakeside with myself.
People in Kampar study always frustrate about what dinner to eat when night comes,
which for me, I'm thinking who could have dinner with me as dinner time comes.
How pathetic right? Well, no one knows and no one cares.
Miserable life? You tried it then you'll know it.
I do not know how to sob out my grievances.
I never done that, never tell my parents my grievances,
my parents are deaf and dumb,
so there is communication obstacle between us.
So I never sob out my grievances, not even once.
What I did to release the pain inside me?
Of course, I do cry.
1st time in foundation, when betrayed by friend.
2nd time in Year 1, when broke up of relationship.
3rd time until not sure, happen occasionally.
It must be funny for a man to cry, right?
yet I'm not shame to cry,
which I'm honestly facing emotions that I had.
So for those grievances I couldn't speak out,
I cried in the night, to survive.
After cried, clear up my mind and settle those things,
thus you see me here, not yet down as those obstables can never let me down.
Life is too good to be miserable,
I might have bad times for my 4 years,
but yet it mix with good things,good friends, and good memories.
Other peoples might face worse times than me in these 4 years,
so what can I say? Felt down and I'll wake up to fight again.

So now, I'm graduating soon,
I should change again,
to adopt a new environment,
for a new beginning.
and yet to forget those negative thinkings,
bad stuffs, and yet those people.
Find my career, earn income,
for me and my family,
for a better life could have.
Nothing is more important than this.
Time for "A" change.

Good night.